Daniel McDonald
Attending university is a both daunting and enviable experience. Trying to fit in is the bane of all first year students, as contemporary society dictates that academia take a back seat to socialisation. Nevertheless, being a JAFFY is one of the most awkward experiences of life. The tendency of first years to ask too many stupid questions is so damn high they have earned the sinister reputation of being annoying. As a saving grace, here is The Bucket’s guide to surviving the JAFFY year at university.
Enduring the epic first year isn’t for every student, illustrated by the large quantity of uni students who drop out in the first year. For example, at the fine institute that is Monash University, they demand excellence, consumption of alcoholic beverages, and good company. No matter which university you attend, these standards and subsequent life skills are transferable.
The first two were most likely covered in high school; consumption of alcohol is so rife in high school, I often wonder how and why most JAFFY’s are such pox drinkers on orientation and faculty camps. Nobody likes students who munt too frequently or at inappropriate times, such as on international students during the now defunct Green Week. Or handsy drunks. No one likes a handsy drunk.
So we come to the crux of this article; how do I lose my JAFFY tag and survive my first year of university? As previously mentioned the first step to stop being the annoying JAFFY, and consequently fitting in, is being good company. Note however, that being a substandard drinker or poor academic will hinder your ability to be good company.
As all JAFFY’s ask stupid questions, including ‘Is this building X?’,’ Is Sir John’s a church?’, ‘When is Green Week’ and my personal favourite, ‘What is a JAFFY?’. Being good company is as simple as settling into university with a group of friends, meeting them regularly at your respective university bars and attending multiple society events.
For those of you looking to become part of a club or society committee, you need to lift your game. You can’t just cruise through your first year of uni. It needs to be completed with honour, distinction and goon. Higher status is attained by completing beer bongs faster than all other JAFFY contestants, attending more university events than tutorials, catching the golden snitch in a quidditch match, sleeping with a committee member and proceeding to steal their friends, becoming ‘That Guy/Girl” for a good reason, joining the goon platoon or walking into a lecture theatre in an M&M suit.
In conclusion, university is socialising first, meeting the minimal attendance requirement for your tutorials a distant second, using Facebook in lectures third and actually attending lectures an almost non existent fourth.
You get out what you put into your first year of university. Unless you go to Deakin. Nothing good has ever come out of Deakin.
